Poppy Challenge

I belong to a running group on Facebook made up of mums across the globe. Whilst I am a beginner and can't run often I find the community incredibly supportive and encouraging for all abilities. A great sense of community between the ladies in there.

In conjunction with this group is another that runs online "races". Built around the frustrations of not being able to find races to join the founder created an online community where people could join up online and submit timed races in their own area to compete against people pretty much anywhere. There are distance races and fun runs and charity runs etc it is amazing and you get medals too! Some of the designs are so pretty or funky :) http://www.virtualrunneruk.com/

Anyway one of such races is a November poppy challenge where participants were challenged to complete at least 33k across the month by walking, swimming or running etc.

I had intended to use this challenge as a kick start back into running for myself, but life, stress and my body decided otherwise. Thing is with Fibro you just can't chose your energy levels and when so much else is going on in your life it just makes adding anything else in near on impossible.

So I walked. I walked my children to school. I walked into and back from town for shopping. Walked little by little chipping away at that 33k goal. Until today. This morning, at almost the end of the months time limit I have finally reached my 33k target (33.09 to be precise!)

For some people 33k is nothing, there are members completing hundreds of kilometers to add to the challenges grand total and hats off to them! But for the people living, like myself, with chronic pain and fatigue 33k is a massive amount to accumulate and I am chuffed at the achievement.

I have received nothing but love and support from the community when I posted about my achievement this morning and even inspired other members with the condition which brings me great joy.

The poppy challenge started as something close to my heart, with family in the forces and I will wear my poppy medal with pride when it arrives. But the challenge has shown me something so much more, that I can beat you fibro, you will not better me, or keep me from achieving my dreams. Determination to improve has brought results, little by little I will better myself!

Remembrance

This time of year is an important one for the British public.

It is a time of remembrance and solace, where we look back and remember all those that fought for our protection in the wars. Many giving their lives so that we can live in freedom.

We wear a poppy out of respect, we fall silent for 2 minutes to reflect and show honour to them all.

It is particularly poignant for families, like my own, with brothers sisters, mothers fathers, uncles etc. still serving today. We stand with them hoping our strength and love can travel across the seas to where ever they are now.

Shoulder to shoulder with all who serve.

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts lalala

There are certain things in life that you just get used to buying pre-prepared and in neat little packages. Then when you see the whole product in its natural form they appear scary, complicated, even frightening.
I certainly felt this way about things like pineapple, coconuts and other exotic fruits.
So when the opportunity to try them out for Tesco came along I jumped at the chance and I am so glad I did!
Learning how to open and extract coconut took a little research I will admit. I was convinced I would need several kinds of power-tool equipment to open this fruit. Armed with a shed of equipment (not to mention the family owned hardware store) and hours of YouTube videos later I felt ready to tackle this seemingly daunting task.

But it wasn't hard at all! Find the soft hole the lady of coconut wisdom said and it really was that easy I didn't even need a sharp knife. A little poke with the arm of a spoon and we were soon drinking delicious coconut milk. Yum.
Drop it on the floor (after draining - i cannot stress enough how much you should complete the first step. Unless you like a coconut milk glaze to your tiling, who am I to judge?) and ta da two coconut halves. I followed another tip to freeze for a couple of hours and book easily peel-able flesh.

It was so easy and dare I admit it, FUN!!

Thank you Tesco for the opportunity to overcome my fears and enjoy some of your marvelous exotic fruits. I will certainly be trying them again in the future!


Although I had the opportunity to try the fruit for free for Tesco all the above reviews and opinions are my own x

Its been a while

Ok I have been away for a while I know. Turns out this college life is actually quite time consuming!
It may well be a part time course but gosh it ends up being so much more than that!

And I have to admit I'm just not that organised yet, with the lunch boxes and meal plans and getting kids and myself to all the places we need to be at the times we need to be and so on and so forth and *breath*. Yeah so a bit crazy around here!

But I am loving it, so much :) Actually so much so it has completely changed my whole idea for the future and careers and everything! Ive decided to pursue science! Actually it makes a lot of sense really. 1 I love it, I really do, I had forgotten just how much I love science. 2. It makes a lot of sense for my health in reality. I don't know what the future holds for me and fibro and a career in science should be a lot easier to maintain than a career in nursing if I am brutally honest with myself. And lastly I hate people. Haha just kidding. But I do prefer the less people focused aspects to life so really the thought of a career where I can spend my time staring at microscopic cells in reasonable solace does appeal.

So yeah that's where I am at. Although there is a possible spanner in the works regarding funding due to previous attempts at college in the past but that is something that will need to see what happens.

In other news we have new pets!! Couple of days ago we brought some mice home to live with us! Rose and Clara are settling in well and for babies are handling beautifully too. The girls adore them and even my toddler is being very good with them so far which is awesome :)

 Rose and Clara

I also realised I never posted about the second Colour Rush! So I did it! My first ever 5k and not a bad time either at about 55mins :) I need to get back into running again properly really, I have been very slack. But I have signed up for a November challenge which requires a minimum of 33k to be covered over the month eek! This time the funds are going to the british legion which is a close thing to my heart x

Me and my friend Vix after completing the 5k colour rush

Back to studies!

This week and next marks a lot of tears and quite a few sighs of relief (go on admit it) from many parents across the country as children return to (and start) school.

Mine included with my eldest starting her second year of school and my littlest is off to start with a childminder, after having myself as pretty much her sole career for the last few years. Scary stuff.

But what's even more scary (well actually pretty exciting) is that on monday I too return to school!

It's been quite a few years since I last attended any kind of education, and if I think of it like that then it is actually quite a daunting thought. But actually I am really very excited about returning to study (and having a break from the kids!) even if it is something as academically taxing as full on science.

Hopefully, for me, this is the start towards my new career goals over the next few years. I'm aiming for university next year and so will be working on my application for that in the next couple of months as well (stress!)

Training Run

I've been quite bad with my run training really. I could blame my shin injury and it is true it's still playing up. But generally I just haven't been pushing myself enough.
I went for a first run post injury last week and it felt good. Ran further without stopping than ever before which considering 6 months ago I couldn't make it down the block is a massive achievement really.

Anyway this week we are away visiting family and I got the chance to run with a new training partner.
She certainly pushed me harder than I'm used to and we had a great time running together!

Half husky half gsd one hell of a runner and great time had by all :)

Women of the Year

Over the last few weeks across the country groups have been voting for their women of the year within their own classes.

This year within my group I was lucky enough to be nominated through to our groups final which was held last night :)

I didn't win but honestly I wasn't expecting too with so many other inspirational women it was just nice to be part of it. We had to answer a couple of questions about our journey and selves and share around some before and after photos.

My Before and Now - Journey so Far

I have been struggling of late to appreciate the progress I've made especially after being quite stagnant for a while but putting together my before and after made me appreciate it a bit more and hopefully inspire me to continue on the rest of my journey.

It was also nice that all of us nominees got a yellow rose to take away as well as the winner getting her flowers and a beautiful canvass.

My Rose <3

I'm in a tired phase at the moment and class really took it out of me last night but it was a lovely experience and also being taster night was yummy fun.

My Taster Night Contribution 

Reflections

So 2 years ago I started a blog, not this blog but another one (i'm quite bad for this oops) that was supposed to be about my weight loss journey starting not long after I had my youngest child.
I was really (so very really) bad at updating it (yeah I know I'm not that great at this one but trust me this was far worse lol) and it just faded into nothingness until I decided to start this more general one.

But it occurs to me that really the start of my weightloss journey isn't documented in this blog and so I would like to share with you the first post from my old blog which gives a brief insight....

The Beginning

3 months ago I had my second baby. It wasn't an easy time and some major complications left me quite poorly afterwards. Finally I feel well enough to start working on getting back to me again. On Saturday i finally bought some scales to assess the extend of the "damage" i had to contend with and I was shocked and saddened with the results :(

15 and a half stone

The heaviest i have ever been! A stone more than pre this pregnancy and I was unhappy then.

I have struggled with my weight and appearance for many years but always knew I would have another baby and just didn't see the point of loosing weight and working hard when it would only be ruined later. Well now I am done with the babies its time to really sort myself out. No more excuses.

So i have made this blog. A kick up the bum in public to keep me going and a way to track my progress and experiments.

So this is me, mum of two wonderful little girls, ready to be me again. My aim is 10 perfect stone (lol) so five and a half to loose.

Wish me Luck x

After that post I went on to try a few different diets from slimfast to raspberry ketones and do you know what I achieved? Not a lot really. Half a stone for almost two years of effort (ok some effort), not great. I guess this makes me appreciate how far I have come in the last six months, and a lot of that is down to having tried slimming world and a new found positivity (yeah there's some under all that angst really) towards it all and getting exercise (occasionally).

I still have some way to go but for the first time in my life I feel like I will actually get there (albeit slower than I would like) :)

Flarring Up

I can go long periods of time without major painful days so I guess another flare was on the cards at some point. I have been quite down over the last few weeks and low mood brings low energy but I haven't really experienced any considerable pain for a while.

So with the 3k's I was running (ok ok mostly walking but there were periods of jogging involved i did ok!) last week, the exercise induced injury to my shins and extreme stress and worry about a friend recently, it really is no surprise that I woke up today feeling like I had been hit by a truck.

The fact remains though that I am still a mum, and it is still the holidays and life has to go on.

So here I am fighting through the pain and tiredness looking after my babies (watching Rio and eating ice pops counts right?) and doing what needs to be done. I will still cook a meal tonight whilst struggling to lift the pan, i will still make lunch (ok we've done lunch its past noon and it was sandwiches but hey im writing poetically or something) whilst my back cries out. I will still laugh and cuddle my girls, never letting them know truly how much it hurts to move.

That is my life, it's how I've always lived and nothing new to me. A new label doesn't change the way I feel and I will not let it change the way I live my life (for the worse anyway).

Back on Track

Since my birthday I have struggled with getting back on track with the weight loss and exercise etc bobbing up and down on the scales and not really training.

If the 3k on sat showed me anything, it's that I really need to get back on it! I've already been out once this week although my shins are complaining and the wii fit is making an appearance (well getting used as it's usually in sight....glaring at me...) again and I'm feeling a bit better for it.

Weigh in last night went well with 3lb off so let's hope this is the start of a new good streak :)

And do you know what else I love? This morning I had 2 chocolate (hifi) bars, a muller light yoghurt and pot of mixed fruit for breakfast and it's all free (bars are hexb) on slimming world! Get in 

Healthy Breakfast - why I love slimming world

History in Colour

Yesterday I ran my first ever organised run! Well when I say run I mean attempt to run a bit, walk a bit, complain lots and breath really really hard! But I did it, in around 30mins too, so not too bad :)

The colour road rush was a once in a lifetime charity event in aid of rowcroft hospice, along the newly built south devon link road. It was a bit of history in the making and will never happen again. When the road opens later this year we will have been the only people to make run along it in a blaze of colour (and sweat lol).

It was hard I will admit, I haven't been keeping up with my training and I felt it, but it was a good start!

I have my second run, also in aid of rowcroft, in September and I better get back to actually training. Especially as this time it is a 5k! I'll post the link at the bottom of this blog if you would like to sponsor me, would be nice to smash my (small) target for a worthy cause x

And how has fibro been throughout this? Not too bad on the whole, I was alright during my practice run on Friday night but feeling tired throughout the main event. Blimey did I hurt this morning and of course energy levels are pretty low now, but all in all it hasn't been too bad really. I guess I am just really lucky on that front, and I am grateful for that :)

Ready to go!

A colourful ending :)

And a link to my justgiving page xxx
https://www.justgiving.com/jema-payne/

You've come a long way, don't forget that.

It's hard sometimes, remembering all that you have accomplished when there is still so far to go.
That actually even on the worst weeks when things really aren't going the way you'd like, there were many many more before when they did.

For many years I have battled with my weight and self image. I have very low self esteem and basically spend a lot of the time hating the way I look. It isn't healthy and I know that, but it is what it is.

I have tried so many diets and training regimes before so for one to actually work seems almost too good to be true. I still don't believe it. A whole stone and a half later, eating all the food I can eat and even treats? Yeah how can that be real?

But it is. It really is and I need to remember that. I have lost weight and am doing great, have a bad week it's ok. Try again tomorrow and little by little, bit by bit. I WILL get there. One Day.

So here I am at the end of a bad week remembering that actually 22lbs is an achievement and the rest WILL come off if I just keep going.

Be A Happier Parent with NLP - A Book Review

So as you guys know from time to time I receive stuff to review and sometimes I share this with you; you lucky, lucky lot! 

Well a couple of months ago I received a copy of the book "Be A Happier Parent with NLP" by the lovely Judy Bartkowaik.

Here is a short summary of what the book is about:

"Be A Happier Parent with NLP" gives you the skills you need to raise a confident, secure child in a confident and secure manner. The book uses the tried, trusted and proven techniques of neuro-linguistic programming to help tackle areas in which you may feel you lack confidence as a parent, while at the same time giving you the skills to help your child be happy, fulfilled and confident him- or herself. You'll find yourself feeling less guilty, more in control, and communicating better with your child--at the same time be able to support your child in difficult situations and help him or her grow into a well-rounded adult.”

Now I was new to NLP and what it was all about, so I didn’t know exactly what to expect from the book, or how it would be laid out; but actually, I was really quite pleasantly surprised!

The book turned out to be really easy to follow and actually very enlightening.

I, like many other parents often struggle with communication with my children, often ending up in a lot of shouting, much more than I would ever really like (to be honest anything is more than I like). The book gets you thinking in a different way on how to communicate and exploring new techniques (well new to me anyway!) in how to deal with them. 

The book is laid out in lots of little sections for different situations. There are far too many to go into here but some of them include:

• Building a rapport with your child         
• Helping them succeed at school 
• Communicating
• Using NLP to parent your teen
• And just loads more!

I’m not gonna lie, i struggle to find time to do much of anything these days (like alot of us mums and dads!) but I have to say in order to make the most of the book you really need to take your time to work through it and the tasks and little filling in bits that are throughout. Even now I have not fully gotten through everything and think it will be an ongoing process for a while, but to me that seems like a good thing. Something you can work through; evolving as time moves on and different situations arise.

Do you know what I also love about this book? (Well more importantly the author) Unlike many other parenting books out there, this one is actually written by someone with children! I’m not sure why that gets me so much but it is refreshing!

So yeah basically I love this book and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to review it because actually it’s exactly what I needed at this point in my life (great believer in the universe here you know!) and I can’t think of any reason to give it less than a full 5 stars.

I shall post a bit about the author and book below, I thoroughly recommend giving it a go! Xxx

Goodreads Link: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9888089-be-a-happier-parent-with-nlp?from_search=true&search_version=service

Amazon Buy Link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Happier-Parent-Teach-Yourself-General/dp/144411056X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1435876640&sr=8-1&keywords=be+a+happier+parent+with+nlp

Judy Bartkowiak comes from a business background where she worked with Toy companies and TV production companies helping them to understand children and their relationship with brands such as LEGO, Baby Born, Bratz, Thomas the Tank Engine, Pocoyo, Fireman Sam and many other well-known names. She runs Kids Brands Europe alongside her NLP training and coaching www.kidsresearch.co.uk and has a Facebook Kids Panel for Market Research which is done online or from her home.

She has an NLP training and coaching practice NLP Kids www.nlpfamily.com, specialising in child and parenting issues and runs Kids Brands Europe (www.kidsresearch.co.uk) as well as writing for children as JudyBee.

Judy loves playing tennis and reading as well as spending time with her family.

Email Judy judy@nlpkids.com for your FREE mini book ‘Be a happier parent with NLP’ and apply code ‘Blog’ to get 10% discount off Judy’s books  at www.nlpandkidsbooks.com 

Oops! Im still here...honest!

So things have been a bit lax around here since the big 3 0.
I would say its been that big of a shock I've taken 2 weeks to recover, but I think its more the case that I've just been far too lazy! Sorry.

I had a good weekend, not the amazing super party with millions of people I secretly hoped for, but I did get a full weekend of celebration (including a last night of my 20s night out complete with custom sash my friend had made....epic!) and I got to spend it with the people I love most in the world. That is the most important thing :)

But now the realities of life come zooming back in (and my extreme tiredness but guess I was asking for that!).

However I have had some great news in the last couple of weeks! I have been accepted onto an Access course starting in September whoot! So im on the first step to a new career! Took a tour around the university I'm hoping to go to next year too last week and it was amazing. I am so geared up for this life change now.

It is going to be hard. It is going to be stressful and when I do get to uni I am not going to see my children much and this saddens me; BUT. It is for a brighter future, with a decent job and wage at the end of it, so we can have a better life. That will make it all worth it in the end :)

Things to do before you're 30

So this week marks the end of my 20's with my 30th birthday this weekend and it reminded of my mini bucket list I made myself about 8 months ago. A list of a few things that I'd hoped to have achieved by the time I turned the big 3 0.

• Learn to Drive
• Loose Weight (5stone goal weight loss)

Okay so it wasn't exactly the longest list in the world (actually I'm pretty sure there was at least one more thing but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was! oops) but I had real high hopes.

As my birthday drew ever nearer it became more and more apparently that despite my low expectations I would actually fail miserably at them all (typical) so i changed the goal posts a little to loosing 2 stone and dropping a dress size.

I failed at that too ....oops.

But all is not lost! Last week I finally attained my stone and half award, my 10% loss award and body magic gold. So whilst I may not be where I want to be at least I am on the right road. Same goes for driving, I may not be there yet but I am learning at long last, and I love it. Hopefully this time next year I will have passed and be scooting around in my own little car (instead of getting soaked on the school run....seriously it is crazy wet today!).

I'm also hoping to start college in September towards a new career, it's a bit of a long and competitive road but I'm hopeful and excited.

So here I am, turning 30. I may not have achieved my goals yet but I am heading in the right direction and working towards them. For once in my life things are going in positive directions, so hopefully this will mark the start of a new chapter in my life with a whole new decade to go alongside it.

For the Love of Geocaching

About a year or so ago I discovered geocaching, an incredibly addictive, fun and adventurous world wide scavenger hunt using gps co-ordinates to find hidden "caches". All around the world are these hidden objects for you to find and log. Some are incredibly tiny and some are HUGE! Some even have bounty to trade (always replace something you take with something of equal value) which my eldest loves finding. It really is a great activity for all ages and something we love to do as a family whenever the mood strikes. After you've paid a couple of quid for the app on your phone you dont have to spend out anymore to get going (although there are premium memberships and high end gps devices for the more die hard amoung you!) just have a quick search of whats around and off you go.

My two girls are still pretty young to try some of the more complex finds but there are also puzzle ones to complete such as one we have in our town which involved finding where items were from pictures and putting them in order to produce the co ordinates of the cache. Great fun was has by the littlies finding all the objects and I can report we did get the answer right to find the final location ;)

I really reccommend trying it and https://www.geocaching.com has all the info you should need!

Ive also just found out about a different scavenger hunt using QR codes which I intend on trying out soon! Will certainly let you know whether its good :D

                                   Stopping for a quick picnic whilst out "Treasurehunting" ^^

                                                         She found some Treasure!!

                                                 Geocaching and Babywearing mix well!! :D

Worth it or not?

So as you know last week I decided to try out slimming worlds SP week. And it was hard! Cutting out things like pasta and potatoes for a week was a major change, and yes it did get my trying new recipes and things I will admit and my fruit consumption went up a lot BUT I personally just found it stupidly hard and by the end of the week i was slipping up on chips down town and the odd cake. Although these were well within my syn allowance I feel like the deprivation just spun me out of control and I ended up bingeing a bit on the bad stuff once the week was over. It didn't help either that I only lost 2lb for all that hard effort. As i can loose that much on the normal plan in all honesty for myself, i just don't think its worth it at all.

So after a few days of being terrible I am trying to get myself back into the swing of eating nice nutritious on plan foods and hopefully I can get back to loosing a bit more but without all the extra hard effort.

Start of a Speedy Week

This last month I haven't done so well with the slimming world journey, I am still 15lbs off since I have started but bad habits have been abound and I have remained too stagnent for my liking.
Which brings us to this week!
In order to give myself a much needed kick up the bum I have decided to try a SP week. SP is basically a slightly stricter form of slimming world, where you focus on the speed foods (more greens less potatoes) and protein etc
I decided to do a week and quite strictly (no FREE but not speed foods etc) in order to (hopefully) loose a fair bit and give myself a boost to keep going.

Day 1 was yesterday and although I didnt do amazingly well with my syns, overall it was actually quite good. Lovely filling salads with eggs and pickled onions to boot, lean meats and lots of lovely fruit. Nom.

Lunch - chicken and turkey salad sooooooo filling!

Dinner - Burger in a Bowl with its delicious sauce nomnomnom!

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Review of The Spice Tailor

From time to time I recieve some products for review, which is a really cool way of trying products out that I would never usually try or buy. I don't get paid for the reviews but I do get the stuff free or with a discount for the purpose of reviewing.
One of my latest ones is a curry kit by The Spice Tailor, from Bzzagent and here is my review!

I have to admit when it comes to curry I'm a bit of a play it safe girl. I like my Korma and stick to it. So when I took on The Spice Tailor curry sauce it was a bit of a step out of my comfort zone to try something new and different.
And actually, I'm really glad I did!
From the outset the spice tailor aims to impress, with its fun swively packaging (and who doesnt like some fun packaging!) and beautiful design work, you feel like you are getting a high end quality product (so a bit better than the meal deal value range im used to!).
The packets were robust but easy to get into, which for me is really important as not only do I not need to be faffing around whilst cooking (I have 2 young children waiting after all) but I'm also a bit clumsy (ok ok more than just a bit). Easy to follow instructions then have you preparing a meal which makes you feel like a top chef!
Gently heating pretty spices before adding each ingredient fills the room with gorgeous smelling scent. It was truly an experience in cooking I would very much like to repeat! And the end result was a gorgeous Tikka Masala that was gobbled up by all! And when you consider that includes a curry loving husband, right down to a 4 and 1 year old, I'm always very impressed by something that satisfies all ;)
The Naans were easy to cook and lovely but no different to many other precooked naans I have tried in the past which is what it is in my opinion (although admittedly once again the packaging is beautiful). It would very much depend on their price whether I would buy them over any other naans, but when it comes to the curry itself, nothing I have tried in the past can touch it. In both flavours and the sheer enjoyment in the cooking process.

Horrid Weekend

When something happens to your child, an inbuilt survival mode is activated. It doesn't matter how tired you are, or how much pain there is. You become ambivalent to it, because no matter what, taking care of them trumps all. Last weekend my daughter had a seizure, something called a febrile convulsion, in reaction to a high temperature. It's a horrific thing to witness for the first time, scary and helpless. They are pretty common amongst young children, although unfortunately hers was a complicated one which is not as common. Things like meningitis were batted around but luckily in the end, after many tests and medicines and IV's she was cleared of anything nasty and after 3 days in hospital we came home.
Bar my going crazy over no sleep for a couple of days (and constantly stopping said child from pulling her lines) the fatigue and pain I would usually suffer was put aside, for the care of my child came first. Unfortunately for me, it decided to come back with a vengence once we returned home, and my recovery from her recovery took place!

But motherhood amazes me. That we can pull something from within to break through our own pain when it comes to the needs of our young. I face it on a daily basis in milder form, that I take care of them making sure they are fed and warm and loved, no matter how I am feeling. But to experience it in such an extreme, it's just a biological marvel.

Feeling Low

Today is not a good day.

I have pain in so many places, energy levels are low and most of all I am in a huge slump.

I hate the lows. I feel like doing nothing but hate that I'm doing nothing. I feel like eating cake and crap, but hate that I eat the cake and crap. I feel so low and the things I do when I feel low make me feel lower.
An endless spiral.

I just try to do what I have to do, to get through to bedtime, to the time when it doesnt matter that I am doing nothing, that I have eaten all I am going to eat that day. When I can sleep and dream of impossible things.

I hate today. Today is not a good day.

Away with the fairys

So this week we have been away with the family in Bristol for easter etc and amongst other activities we have had some photos done.
Myself I had a mini makeover and shoot which I was hoping would make me feel better about myself but it really did not. I felt so huge looking at all the photos :( I did come away with one image in the end but ho hum.
Anyway with the girls we had them in for a fairy photoshoot which was meant to be a magical experiance and end up with some stunning photos with magical effects and such like.
It was an ok day not helped by a poorly baby and a tog that clearly lacks the child friendly touch but we tried to make the most of it. We came back to see the photos a few days later and they weren't the awesomeness I was expecting but there were a couple of good ones and we decided to spend out in the end to get them all digitally and I would work on them myself later.

To be honest I really wouldn't recommend clifton to anyone and they certainly sting you with their prices that funnily they don't give out beforehand!

Seeing double

Today is a two post kinda day! Partially because I thought it was all a bit much to post together, and partly because I have been bad at posting lately to have ended up with so much to say (what me? no? never!).

So the other news is that my one year old (almost two but im hanging on to the baby party ok!) now has glasses! Crazy. It all started because we noticed her eye turning inwards, which progressivly got worse over time, so we saw the opto people at the hospital who referred her for a sight test thinking that might be the cause and thankfully it was (instead of something worse needing surgery etc). And now she has her own little pairs of glasses to wear. It is going to be an interesting process getting a toddler to wear glasses but we shall see! (boom boom)

she's so cute ^^

And in other news at my latest weigh in last night I finally got my stone award!! 1 down 4 to go!! Slimming World seems to be working so I just hope it continues :)

Birthday Bash

So it's been a bit crazy round here of late. Party planning galore for my eldest's frozen themed swimming party (yes im that crazy). But it all went well and was (i think) thoroughly enjoyed by all!! Unfortunately I am still trying to recope now almost a week later, and that is the horrible thing about this condition (illness?) but it is always worth it when it comes to my girls :)

Anyway as promised here is some pics of the day (and my hard work!) xx

Drained

I've been in a bit of a down phase recently. The pain and fatigue have been bad and there have been a lot more bad days than good. Possibly because I've been using up my reserves on a fair few social events of late with birthdays galore! It is nice to go out and see friends, something I have been missing for a long while, and I really enjoyed it but it takes a lot out of me.

I'm also in full birthday planning mode! My daughters fifth birthday is looming and she asked and asked for a swimming party, which she is getting of course, which means a swim followed by party time in our local pools party room. Full frozen theme, what a suprise lol. It's going well (I hope) and I promise to post photos when it's all over, but for now I am one knackered mummy baking and sticking and filling away!

In other news the new meds are interesting, I had the mother of all migraines a few days after starting which I think was just coincidence (again I hope!) and now they just make me over tired at night, which I guess should help me sleep. Pain clinic said I need to give them some time before moving up the dosage so we shall see how it all goes.

Actually this has turned out to be a pretty boring and flat entry, but I guess that's how I am feeling lately, just thoroughly drained.

Slimming World

So I thought I would do a little update on how I am finding the whole slimming world journey!

I have to say of all the plans and diets and what nots I have tried in the past this is by far the best in my opinion. Its more focused on being a healthy eating plan and certainly something I can see myself following long term etc

But boy do I miss cake. Like REALLY miss cake.

But i'm doing ok, 4th week weigh in saw me a total of 9lbs down so its slow and steady and thats meant to be the best way to help keep it off right? But anyway as I had passed the half stone mark (yey go me!) I got my first award! I love that you get awards and stuff to keep you motivated though unfortunately at my group we only get the stickers but never mind! I also got my bronze award for excercise which is awesome AAAAAAAAAAAAAND I won slimmer of the week! So all in all it was a pretty awesome week lol.

So yeah I'm happy so far and just hope I can keep it up and keep loosing until I reach my goal.

In other news I have been started on some new meds for migraines which coincidently is also used to treat fibro, so will see how that goes!

Today is a tired day

There are some types of people who post every little thing on facebook, every ache or twinge, some look for sympathy on a serial basis, some just write their whole lives out for people to read.
I don't.
I've often been accused of "spending my life on facebook" when, actually, I don't really look on there much at all. I miss major life events for months on end in some cases, but I try to keep an eye out if I can. Mostly I look at support networks. Some for fibro, some for parenting, some for lifting up my mood and one very good close knit group for boobs everyday life and well everything (you guys know who you are!). Anyway my point is, unless you really know me you could be forgiven for thinking that I only rarely mention being poorly because I live a generally fit and well life.
But I guess that's it, isnt it? People don't really know me. They dont know that every single day I live with chronic pain, pain that is permanently there in many forms and degrees. Like right now, this very second. My head is poundy, thick and full, a headache is brewing that I might take something for so a bit more than the daily headaches I wouldn't bother with. My neck and shoulders burn, that never goes away. My ear aches a little. The bones in my hands hurt, typing is ok but I doubt I could crochet today. My back has a throb and my right ribs have an ache. My lower back is twinging, my knees are sharp pains and my feet too. This is all normal for me. This is actually a very low pain day!
Unfortunately I also suffer with chronic fatigue and today, today is a tired day. It's copable but I'm not getting the things done I had hoped to today and i'm not looking forward to the school run later.
I'm not sure why I'm even babbling now, this post, this post was meant to be about how people don't really understand those of us with hidden conditions, that because we look fine on the outside and don't complain much. Doesn't mean that we are or that our lives aren't living hell on a daily basis.

Forgetfulness again

Thing I hate most about fms is the way it has affected my head. I'd always had a high iq, not quite mensa but I wasn't far off according to some tests. I played chess for Devon and was in top 3% for maths for many years.
Now I'm lucky if I can remember what day of the week it is. Why have I come in to the kitchen? Even how to spell my daughters name.
So unsurprisingly I forgot I had a blog for a while let alone remembering to write something interesting! I also seemed to forget to put a title on my last post lol (sorted now ha)
But anyway I'm back now :)

Seems I forgot a title

Im still not 100% I have to say. It's not been the best of weeks to say the least, I really hate being poorly, well more poorly than usual. With so little energy reserves to start with even a cold and sore throat really really knocks me for six (what does that mean anyway?) and it takes forever to get completely over things too. So i'm plodding on, feeling crappy, getting things done as you do.

Managed to drag myself out one night last week in order to join slimming world with some friends. I have tried various things over the years with some or little success, so I dont know what to expect from this one. But I NEED something to work, I cant continue living this miserable forever. I have so little self essteam, I just plain hate myself and the way I look.

So here I am on day 6 of slimming world with my first weigh in tomorrow, moment of truth and all that.
I would be lying if I didnt say at times it has been hard, though I have never really gone hungry as such as there is so much unlimited food to choose from, I have missed chocolate and bread and cake and toast laden with butter and yeah basically all the bad stuff in the world! But that's the point right? To be healthier? There were also times when I came to meals I'd planned before this all started that were a bit on the calorific side, but hopefully I've managed to counteract that!
But I have to admit this is the easiest plan I have ever seen, I mean unlimited pasta?!? (*dried stuff) that is AMAZING! I mean I LOVE! pasta :D unlimited lean mean, unlimited fruit and veggies (*fresh and whatnot) it really is weird, ok there is do's and don't's but then theres yeah you can have as much of that as you want! brilliant. You still get a little of the bad stuff too, everyday you have to eat healthy extras, things like cheese milk bread etc come under these so you get a little of the stuff you need in your life without going over the top. Then there are syns. Syns are everything else, like creamy sauces, and chocolate, alcohol, cake etc. So yeah you could have chocolate every day as long as it stayed within your syn allowance! Amazing.

Like I say tomorrow will be proof of the pudding (again...what?) and all that so I will have to report back on how that goes.

Starting as I mean to go on - Big Healthy Shop

Some of the delicious meals I've enjoyed this week!

Feeling Yuck

It's been a while since I last posted as Im fighting a lovely cold/throat infection at the moment. You know the one, thousands of razor blades in your throat yadda yadda.
Unfortunately life as a parent doesnt stop does it? Smallest feeling under the weather too doesnt lend itself to a whole lot of rest, but that's just what we do, carry on regardless (then collapse in a heap at bedtime!)
We've had an action packed few days too with the inlaws visiting and a trip to a nephews birthday party which has been fun, but now I would just very much like some sleep. Please? Oh go on? *sigh*
In other news I am working on a proper post for you all which I hope to complete this week. First time I've actually done a bit of research etc in order to write one! So hopefully it will turn out good for y'all :)
I will also be sharing some products I've been testing out recently, I do love to do a good product testing! So watch out for them coming up too! Now where are the throat sweets.....

Totally Hooked

I love crafts. I mean LOVE them.
I have card making stuff, fabrics, an embroidery machine, boxes of cross stitching gear, decopage etc. You name it, I've probably tried it at some point lol.
My latest love is crochet. I'd tried and failed to crochet a couple of times in the past, just couldn't get it; and i'd always been jealous of the pictures of pretty yarns I'd seen friends post around (I defo can't knit!). So last september I thought I would give it another go. Out came the youtube videos and a hook, and away I went. Somehow through sheer luck of finding some great videos I soon got the hang of it and within a month I was making gloves, and hats, scarfs and allsorts! I was well and truely hooked! (haha)

Unfortunately my hands are something I have particular problems with, right from a young age I'd have random episodes of butterfingers as it were. Dropping stuff randomly and loss of control. These days the pain and stiffness add to top that, and I find on bad days I cannot pick up my hooks, no matter how badly I want to. Those days are difficult. At least when I have my hands on bad days, I can sit and crochet or draw (another huge love of mine) and it doesnt take up vast energy etc, and creating beautiful things cheers me up. But when even that is impossible leaves little light in the darkness.

Leanring to make barbie dresses = one happy 4yr old lol

So proud of my crochet doll ^^

I can't cook omelettes

So in an attempt to sort my weight and well life out, ive been trying to eat and cook healthier. Which after all should benefit my whole family!
On the most part I have taken an active step to find more meals which are not carb based, which isn't easy, particulary on a budget. But it has made me find some really interesting meals, a couple of which are now in our regular rotation :) Things that sound weird and then when you try them are amazing like meatballs in butternut squash !

Butternut squash and meatballs nom

It doesn't look like much, it sounds a bit weird, but my goodness it is delicious and suprisingly filling! It also only cost something like £3 to feed me and my family (2 adults and 2 children) which is cheap! *could be even cheaper if I made my own meatballs too*

Another new favourite of ours is Shakshuka, which is basically eggs cooked in a tomato based sauce, with lots of yummy spices etc. Simple, cheap and really really tasty!

Shakshuka served with side salad

But no matter how much I try, I just cannot make the cheap, simple, omelette! I end up with a broken up, eggy mess, I like to coin my eggopolypse! But the kids like it so I guess thats all that matters!!

Two Blondies

I have two beautiful girls, who are my world. P who is 4 almost 5 (april) and K who is 20months, and they most certainly rule my world lol.
Growing up I always knew that I wanted children and as I got older that thought cemented within me. I used to think maybe one boy and one girl would be nice and never had any specifics as to which came first. That was, until I became pregnant. It was then that I desperately wanted a girl, and even when I was told they thought it was a girl the paranoia set in. What if it turns out to be a boy? What if I dont love him? We couldn't even settle on a boys name, we only had a girls. Part of me likes to think it's because deep down somewhere, psychic or biological, I knew I was having a girl, but my did I feel guilty about those feelings. And when I got pregnant the second time an overwhelming want for another girl took over, once again we were told a girl (and we have a very VERY clear view I tell you lol!) but still the guilt and paranoia was there.
Maybe I knew? I don't know, maybe I was just lucky. I can certainly see how gender disappointment could come about, as I honestly could not say how things would have been if one had turned out to be a boy. But here I am, with my two beautiful girls, who I love more than anything.
Whoops, i didnt mean to write such a heavy hot topic post! It's funny how thoughts and musings come out some times.

Ongoing Battles of The Bulge

One thing that has haunted me for many years, is my weight.
I have never really been happy with the way I looked, always slightly awkward and geeky growing up, not really realising I was actually quite slim etc.
Then after having my two daughters I have found myself at the heaviest and largest of my life. And it really depresses me.
I have tried many diets, regimes and tricks over the years, not really getting very far if at all. I even started a blog just over a year ago, in an attempt to spur myself on through self public confession and partial humiliation. But even that didnt work. I lost a stone on weight watchers shakes and have been stagnent ever since. Even pre baby weight alludes me and I wasn't even happy at that.
So here I am now, at least two sizes bigger than I want to be and several stone over. With a condition that limits the amount of exercise I can do and often leaves me in the mood for comfort eating. And I know I should stop, eat better, move when I can. But self control has all but disappeared and I dont know how to get it back.

But I have changed, or at least started to change one thing and that's our diet in this household. Less carbs and bread and sweets and more fresh veg and meat and fruit and all the good things. I'm learning interesting meal ideas and enjoying (most of the time) cooking proper meals in an evening for my little family. I have yet to see any benefit in my weight but I am hoping, at least, that we will all be healthier for it.
And hey, I may even share some of the interesting tasty finds I make :)

Ironically Forgetting to Mention

The other side of FMS is "fibro fog", which basically is like a fuzz in the brain, or at least that's how it feels to me.
I forget things; like words, or sentences, or that I was even talking about something in the first place. The other week I even forgot how to spell my daughter's middle name. It was the worst feeling.
But it's forgetting about things I want (or need) to do that makes me sad, like birthday outings and get togethers. I don't mean to, I want to be there. But I guess people just give up on me, not really knowing what it's like. Or they just think I don't care or can't be bothered.
It hurts so much :(
Sometimes it's just hard because I used to be quite intelligent, I knew stuff, a lot of it quite random, but stuff. Now I have conversations sometimes and I'll be sat there knowing I know something in the deep dark delves of my brain, but I can no longer access it. It's like I have all these draws, with all the things I know in them, and every day the fibro randomly locks some of these draws and laughs as I frantically try to break into them. Everyday choosing different ones to torment me with.

So that's me, little miss forgetful, and I forgot to mention this in my last post....ironic

Living with Chronic Illness

For about half my life so far I have suffered from CFS and as of 2014 I was also formally diagnosed with FMS (fibromyalgia) after a 10yr battle with doctors to listen to me.
But what does that mean? Well mostly that im tired and in pain, all the time. Sometimes just a little, sometimes alot. Im not talking the odd ache here or niggle there, im talking bone deep, full body total, can lay you up in bed pain. Pain that doesnt stop no matter the pain killers and drugs they put you on. A constant.
Up until a few years ago I thought it was normal, that not being in some sort of pain on a daily basis didnt exist and everyone pretty much felt that way. Especially after being fobbed off by doctors for so many years saying "you're just depressed" or sleep more, sleep less, exercise more, relax more yadda yadda. The constant contradictions and miracle tablets that didnt work of people not willing or unable to listen.
Then there's the tiredness, and in all honesty that's the thing that gets me the most, the pain I can work through, mind over matter on the not so bad days and get through it for things I really want to do, pacing myself etc and knowing the day after alot of activity there will be more.
But the tiredness I cant work through, there's just no way of gaining more energy when you start the day with none. We've all been there, maybe after an all nighter (be that a party,work or baby!) or the end of an over active day. But imagine waking up like that all the time, whether you have 1 hour sleep or 10. Whether you rest all day or not it just doesnt seem to make a difference. On the bad days you wont make that get together no matter how much you want to. You'll miss meet ups and parties, outings and birthday meals because the exhaustion is just too much to even get dressed let alone out the door.
So mostly I shut myself away, the hermit no one really misses all that much. Maybe they think I dont care, or cant be bothered, and nothing is further from the truth and yes it does sadden me from time to time. Especially when we dont even get invites to things anymore. The real friends, the ones that understand or at least try still do though and I guess thats all that matters, as they know if its a good day, i will be there, with bells on :)

The surprise is there's nothing in it but turnips

I've had a few blogs in the past and to be honest i'm pretty terrible at remembering to keep it up!

So here I am with a fresh start, and that's what i'm hoping this year will bring, a fresh start.

And not so many turnips.