Two Blondies

I have two beautiful girls, who are my world. P who is 4 almost 5 (april) and K who is 20months, and they most certainly rule my world lol.
Growing up I always knew that I wanted children and as I got older that thought cemented within me. I used to think maybe one boy and one girl would be nice and never had any specifics as to which came first. That was, until I became pregnant. It was then that I desperately wanted a girl, and even when I was told they thought it was a girl the paranoia set in. What if it turns out to be a boy? What if I dont love him? We couldn't even settle on a boys name, we only had a girls. Part of me likes to think it's because deep down somewhere, psychic or biological, I knew I was having a girl, but my did I feel guilty about those feelings. And when I got pregnant the second time an overwhelming want for another girl took over, once again we were told a girl (and we have a very VERY clear view I tell you lol!) but still the guilt and paranoia was there.
Maybe I knew? I don't know, maybe I was just lucky. I can certainly see how gender disappointment could come about, as I honestly could not say how things would have been if one had turned out to be a boy. But here I am, with my two beautiful girls, who I love more than anything.
Whoops, i didnt mean to write such a heavy hot topic post! It's funny how thoughts and musings come out some times.