Living with Chronic Illness

For about half my life so far I have suffered from CFS and as of 2014 I was also formally diagnosed with FMS (fibromyalgia) after a 10yr battle with doctors to listen to me.
But what does that mean? Well mostly that im tired and in pain, all the time. Sometimes just a little, sometimes alot. Im not talking the odd ache here or niggle there, im talking bone deep, full body total, can lay you up in bed pain. Pain that doesnt stop no matter the pain killers and drugs they put you on. A constant.
Up until a few years ago I thought it was normal, that not being in some sort of pain on a daily basis didnt exist and everyone pretty much felt that way. Especially after being fobbed off by doctors for so many years saying "you're just depressed" or sleep more, sleep less, exercise more, relax more yadda yadda. The constant contradictions and miracle tablets that didnt work of people not willing or unable to listen.
Then there's the tiredness, and in all honesty that's the thing that gets me the most, the pain I can work through, mind over matter on the not so bad days and get through it for things I really want to do, pacing myself etc and knowing the day after alot of activity there will be more.
But the tiredness I cant work through, there's just no way of gaining more energy when you start the day with none. We've all been there, maybe after an all nighter (be that a party,work or baby!) or the end of an over active day. But imagine waking up like that all the time, whether you have 1 hour sleep or 10. Whether you rest all day or not it just doesnt seem to make a difference. On the bad days you wont make that get together no matter how much you want to. You'll miss meet ups and parties, outings and birthday meals because the exhaustion is just too much to even get dressed let alone out the door.
So mostly I shut myself away, the hermit no one really misses all that much. Maybe they think I dont care, or cant be bothered, and nothing is further from the truth and yes it does sadden me from time to time. Especially when we dont even get invites to things anymore. The real friends, the ones that understand or at least try still do though and I guess thats all that matters, as they know if its a good day, i will be there, with bells on :)